Uhh … no.


God is not …

– mad at you

– out to “get” you

– out to spoil your fun

– punishing you

– a prude (he actually invented sex)

– Santa Clause

– a killjoy

– a teetotaler

– religious

– fixated on your failings

– waiting for you to screw up … again

– eager to pounce on you

– contained in a book

– found only in a church building

– automatically absent from a church building

– negated in any way by science

– opposed to science (he invented that, too)

– unaware of you

– ignoring you

– disengaged

– passive

– unaware of your suffering

– exempted from suffering

– caught off guard

– a tree

– a mountain

– the ocean

– the earth

– a man

– a woman

– a cow

– the president

– unavailable

– surprised by your doubts

– afraid of your doubts

– threatened by your questions

– offended by your disbelief

– indebted to you

– obligated to you

– subject to your thoughts and beliefs about him

– holding a grudge against you

– toying with you

– calling you to a life of boredom and drudgery

– cold

– aloof

– deaf

– distant

– dead

– pinning you under his thumb

– hating you because you’re gay, a drunk, divorced, addicted …

– disgusted with you

– shaming you

– the one who gave you AIDS

– the one who gave you cancer

– hostile to art (another thing he invented)

– a democrat

– a republican

– a liberal

– a conservative

– a socialist

– a capitalist

– a union member

– a “99% – er”

– a “1% – er”

– a hawk

– a dove

– lacking a sense of humor (pretty sure he invented that, too)

– counting your sins

– fixated on your flaws

– rubbing your nose in your mistakes

– watching to catch you in the act

– a Baptist, a Presbyterian, a Catholic, a Pentecostal, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Methodist, a Church of Christ member, a Lutheran, a puritan, a hippie, an atheist (who knew?), an agnostic  …

– a peacenik

– a warmonger

– a feminist

– a chauvinist

– outdated

– out of touch

– anywhere near being summed up by this list

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10 Responses to Uhh … no.

  1. Doug Tennant says:

    My smile just got bigger the more I read. I’m pretty sure God invented you, too, and I am glad he did. Just thinking the last couple days it’s been a while since I read me some Randy. God bless, bro!

  2. randyneff says:

    What up, bro ???!!! Great to hear from you again! I’ve been in a bit of a writing slump of late … hoping to get back on my horse. Thanks for the encouragement, amigo. I’m sure there’s much you could add to it, as it’s not nearly a comprehensive list. You’re always a wellspring of wisdom & insight. I hope you & yours are doing great. Keep in touch, my friend!

  3. Gayle Tabor says:

    I would also add that God is not defined by any of us. God can not be contained in any box we can imagine.

    Great post by the way!

  4. Paul Bowers says:

    You covered the bases well my friend. Nice post!

  5. Phil Goins says:

    Goob: well you have gone and listed all the little pet names and blames man has toward God. The very one who created us, and yet we desperately look for ways to escape what some well intended preacher or family member taught us (good or bad). If only we would see Him thru sin cleansed eyes, we might get a decent view of the one who invented salvation. Great piece my brother when are going to get together for lunch at Gregs?

  6. Denise says:

    I will ditto Doug’s words!! Have missed your inspiration my friend. Great words! There is no way our human brain could ever comprehend the all encompassing nature of the Godhead. I do believe that one day we will stand amazed when we see first hand the depth of His mighty love and grace. Don’t let it be so long before we hear from you again!

  7. Martha says:

    Great list Randy. Will we ever stop putting God in a box of our own making? Why is it so hard for us to realize that He wants nothing more than a deep, personal relationship with each and everyone of us. That is why He created us!

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